doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
