This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you had me at cake vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
