Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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