Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
