he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
