as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
