it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
