So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
