He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
even my farts smell like vagina
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
