i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
