How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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