There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
