it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
