fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
