id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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