Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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