Sponge bath it is.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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