Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
