You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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