i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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