My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
