You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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