I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
