pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
