Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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