There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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