I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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