she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
