you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
