Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
