She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
