I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
