A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
please come you make the beer taste better
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
