I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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