did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
