Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
