the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
