There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
