Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
