I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
