I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
