Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
