Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
