it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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