My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
