I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
