This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
