Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
