Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
