im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
