Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
